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I feel useless. A waste of space and oxygen.

The past two nights I've faced that paranoia and insanity that plagued me for the majority of 2008. I thought I'd grown and learned how to fight off such weaknesses but apparently I'm not quite that recovered.

The last time I felt this way I packed my bags and drove to Virginia to get away from everything and everyone. It helped immensely but I can't take 3 weeks of mental health days whenever things aren' going my way.

Perhaps it's time I break down and start seeing a counselor.

To add to my problems in an attempt to lessen them, I'm quitting smoking again.

I don't know where I'd be without you.

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A close friend started telling me today that I'm ungrateful for what I have and that I should stop slacking off. It made me sad.

At work I got in trouble (again) and now they're following me around and checking the bathrooms each day before I leave.

My mom won't get over me getting C's.



But I think my motivation is coming back. For reals. Before I got yelled at today I was thinking that I really ought to keep this job because when I'm living with Tiffany and Haley next year (ideally) I do not want to have to say "I'm going to work" and leave for 8+ hours. Seems like a stupid reason, but it motivated me quite a bit. And hopefully this winter break I'll find a magic stone of inspiration and have it surgically implanted so I never run out.

I want a chiapet with "cat" grass. For cats!